Studying the Family and Systems Constellations Training module and practice sessions activated the chitt and mann again. It was a good testing ground for neutrality. Despite the very short experience of Sampoorna Samarpan (Total Surrender) and the most benevolent QVSWPP by my side 24 by 7, the antahkaran started playing up every now and then again. i decided to tackle it once and for all when one of my colleagues who has been with Osho for over 2 decades messaged out of the blue about a family constellation workshop with someone called Darshan. Sree Maa had told us many times from the onset that the small self and the psychological make up is our own responsibility and that Sree Maa takes full responsibility only for the Akarmi (non-doer) and Atma. Plus i was studying Systemic Constellations myself, i decided to go for it.
It was the worst decision and remains one of the most rubbish and sickening experiences of my life till date. The first constellation went well. When i went for the second constellation, the facilitator gave stupid advises that i never asked for as i really had gone for a constellation and not some cognitive therapy or a C grade advisory session. What was most surprising was that she herself had said at the start of the day that "you are fed up of receiving advises" and then stupidly goes ahead and gives it herself at the end of the day😖. Instead of a constellation to resolve the energetic block for the feeling of being stuck with money and career, the facilitator gave ridiculous advises that i should study Ayurveda or become a high class slut. Absolutely shocking!
She never did a constellation and just kept barking nonsense without giving me a chance to speak. She went to the extent of asking the participants to say to me "tell her, she is cold and miserable" and like poodles without brains, they said it also of which 2 had never met me before. Only one person who also i met for the first time in that group disagreed with her and voiced it. Till date i thank her for the discernment she kept and not falling low like others as otherwise, i would have definitely hit depression thinking that something is really wrong with me if 5 people in a spiritual healing group were to say so. After a while, she told me to just get off the chair and go with a closing statement that there is a limit to giving. Really!!! i just wondered what was she giving.
i have never come back feeling so abused and harassed as i did from that workshop not only at the hands of the facilitator but the participants too and i take fully responsibility for putting myself through it. Since manan and chintan has always been a part of my life, i really gave thought to what had transpired. Was i really cold and miserable? May be there was a part in me that i was unaware of? i felt zero resonance to it.
i called up my colleague and told her that Darshan had really misbehaved and that she had no business giving such ridiculous advises, she said that she will tell Darshan to speak properly and then goes ahead to tell me of an incident about some friend of hers that was a high class escort and how she ended up getting married to one of her clients!!! i could not believe what i had just heard!!!
For the first time i realized that a lot of people are on the spiritual path but it doesn't necessarily mean they are evolved or enlightened or keep conscience. i got a full dose of spiritual glamour without any essence and massive healer's ego.
i really contemplated what was my learning curve out of the unpleasant experience. At the end of the day, this experience had manifested and i don't deny i sat and cried for what i had put myself through at the hands of a healer. The only answer i could find was 'DISCERNMENT'.
Anyway, the reason i mention this incident is that within a month, like a mother who knows the weakness and vulnerability of her child and what it is going through even when it doesn't voice it's feelings, Sree Maa yet again gave a colossal gift, the gift of sharanagati_/\__/\__/\_
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