May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat Part 3 - Master FiT

It took me a while to fully integrate and absorb the pulse and shift that the Silent Guru Mantra initiation graciously given by Sree Maa Shri Ji brought. i viewed Sree Maa Shri Ji very differently from this day on. The casualness, 'the cool dude' attitude that i sometimes kept receded and a different kind of respect, adoration and gratitude dawned, a bond between a Guru and a student where both mutually accept one another. i had fully accepted SreeMaaShri Ji for the remarkable brilliance and utmost compassion they tried to conceal under selflessness and humility and Sree Maa Shri Ji accepted me despite the apparent flaws of the doer. Sree Maa Shri Ji's brilliance and compassion outshined and resonated so soundly that the akarmi in me felt ready to surrender in Sree Maa Shri Ji's lotus-feet and the doer for a change, wasn't coming in the way. Interesting!

The next 4 days of the Retreat was only for the FiTs which was a continuation of the Transcendence. There were 19 of us. Sree Maa Shri Ji started the retreat with an interactive discourse about "why vegetarianism?" It was layered with sense of humor. Remember all of us bursting into peals of laughter when Sree Maa said that if anyone forces you to have meat, say that 'i will only eat it only if you are ready to serve yourself on the plate' 😂
i have been a vegetarian all my life and am aware that at least 4 generations before me have been Jains and strict vegetarians. i have been ridiculed a number of times, one such statement being 'kya bakriyon ki tarah ghaans phoos khati hai! (what grass you eat like goats)' and quite frankly, the ridiculing has come mostly from my own countrymen and utter disbelief from Westerners who hail from a meat eating culture and have had no exposure to other cultures. Thankfully, internet has made the world smaller and the awareness towards vegetarianism is on the rise worldwide due to health concerns, spirituality, no cruelty to animals etc. Sree Maa's sense of humor weaved with Absolute Truth was a breath of fresh air💕

As i mentioned earlier, the FiT training has always been about manan and chintan. One such session was "to tune-in with QVSWPP, scan and assess where you are with the FiT programme and make a list of your own strengths and weaknesses" This was an exercise i wasn't able to complete properly as the old me had pretty much dissolved and the new me after transcendence hadn't settled fully. i still experienced myself in transition phase and didn't do the exercise. i wasn't told off for it by Sree Maa or Shri Ji but was fully respected with time and space to integrate the shift🙏

May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat Part 2 - Transcendence

There were many discourses given as always and Sree Maa Shri Ji encouraged everyone to bring their questions to transcend out of the layers of avidya (lack of knowledge) and agnyan (ignorance).

Sree Maa Shri Ji explained to us about the Guru Mantra and then gave us time to think if we wanted to be initiated into it. As dakshina, each one of us gave a bad habit that we wanted to get rid off. Guru Mantra was the door way to be initiated into being a Sanatana Dharmi, the one who lives righteously like an akarmi (non-doer). All this was explained very clearly.

i already had 3 mantras that i was using to meditate on, two had been given when i was initiated into TM and the third one for Sahaj Samadhi meditation and all 3 had been substantial in my spiritual growth. i didn't know what to do with them and voiced it to Sree Maa Shri Ji. It took 1 minute for Sree Maa to clear away the antar dwand (inner conflict) i was experiencing based on one of the discourses Sree Maa had given previously and it made sense that all mantras initiated from AUM. i chose to receive the initiation.

During the initiation, the conflict that i had experienced earlier came and stood right in front of me. My own conscience shouted at me for being selfish and betraying my first Guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar who had helped me unconditionally in my time of need. He never forced his teachings and courses on me, i had gone and done them, benefitted from them and chose him as my Guru, taken respite at his Ashram and now suddenly as i found something more advanced and better, i was disowning him. i felt really bad that i was letting him go after selfishly using him, his teachings and his techniques until i wanted to. The tap of tears opened again and i just couldn't move forward to receive the soundless sound mantra. In that moment, i called out to him and he showed up. The closure that he gave me has been instrumental in keeping my faith in the Guru principle and to move forward in truly accepting Sree Maa Shri Ji as my Guru. i still find it very overwhelming to express this part and am taking the liberty to share the audio recording where i shared my experience. Humbly requesting all listeners to listen to it from the recesses of your soul and not the judgement of the ego as i was reeling under very intense emotions and a phase of shift and transformation when i did the sharing_/\_ Gratitude in advance for your understanding and empathy_/\_